Decisions

This is the worst day ever, and who knows how long that feeling will last. When I feel upset, I have a hard time functioning. These last few days have been especially hard - I have no appetite, I can't sleep, my stomach is in knots. I feel the weight of this decision bearing down on me with no clear answer in sight. My head and my heart are telling me two very different things, and I'm trying to balance between protecting myself from further hurt and still being able to forgive. I feel as confused as I've ever been. How can someone say they love you and then be envisioning another relationship? How can that be real love? When something happens that changes everything you thought you knew, that challenges the security you felt, how do you move past it?

I don't know any of the answers to these questions, and I won't write anything else about this. I know that without the support of some very good friends I would be in a much worse place right now. The person I most want consoling from is the one person I can't face, and it has been so important to have friends who will just listen. So thanks to those of you who have been there.

"I start to forget how my heart gets torn, when that hurt gets thrown, feeling like you can't go on." - David Gray

Okay you talked me into it

I am going to copy Nicole and write a profile about one of my very favorite people ever, and my oldest friend.

Name: Allison Leigh

Nicknames: Toothpick, Gum Head, Al, Bud, Young Legs

Age: Newly 21

Hometown: Bellingham

Occupation: Student, Receptionist, Weirdo

Education: Going for a B.S. and then a Master's in Speech Language Pathology (yeah she's a smarty)

Likes: All things organic, yoga, CMT, shoes, singing along to her Ipod at the gym, Jodi Picoult novels, crocheting, Fergie, leg warmers, her hair, making soup, dancing, plotting to kill Nicole Kidman.

Dislikes: Any food that I really like, working more than two consecutive eight hour days, being told what to do, loaning out clothes, lifetime movie network, feathered hair pieces, losing at Monopoly.

Best Quotes: "Allison: And then I had my one hypothesi and, wait hypothesi that's right, right? Cause it's just one.
Me: Um, no. Hypothesis is already singular.
Allison: Oh, okay, so then in my hypotheSIS I said there was one octopi that...
Me: Umm, okay, now octopi is plural..."

"My hair looks so good in this picture. Can you believe how good it looks?"

"Sad... Can we get a turtle?" - Upon hearing the news that our pet hamster died

Her Favorite Quotes: "When things get too heavy, just call me helium, the lightest known gas to man."~Jimi Hendrix

"CROCODILE IS OUT OF STYLE, COMPASSION IS IN FASHION!!" ~animal rights activists...

Fun facts: Allison once performed the most awkward gymnastics routine that my family and pull it out and watch it on home video whenever we need a good laugh.

Allison's fire safety plan used to include parachuting out the second story window with a bed sheet.

She used to want to be a nutritionist, until she realized speech pathologists made a lot more money.

When telling people what she spent on an item of clothing, Allison will always deduct $5 from the price she actually paid.

The fastest way to win in a fight against Allison is to poke her squarely in between the shoulder blades. This also causes her to assume a very amusing stance, much like that of a stroke victim trying to dance.

And that's my sister in a nutshell. She's also a really warm, compassionate, and a complete goof-ball.

Identity

My sister and I constantly get mistaken for each other. My new brown hair has not been as much of an identity booster as I expected, people still get us confused regardless. I am pretty sure she got the good hair and nose of the family; she's the cute one.
Even so, people just can't seem to keep us straight. We have been asked many times if we are identical twins. When we job-shared a year ago, I worked MWF, she worked TR. After three months of this schedule, the technologist asked our supervisor why some days I called myself Lindsay and some days I called myself Allison. Really? We are similar looking, but definitely different. This is her in the picture.
I think she looks kind of like an Olsen twin right here, where as I would never be mistaken for an Olsen.

Actually, I am tempted to copy cat Nicole and write a profile about Allison, but I will try to come up with something else creative instead of trying to steal her thunder...

(I need to start taking artsy modeling pictures and posting them on facebook, it's all the rage right now. Maybe then people would comment repeatedly on how gorgeous I am and my boyfriend would reassure me of my 10 out of 10 potential on Hot or Not.com like he does with his female friends. It would be a change from all the "demon eyes" comments I get.)

Boredom = Online Shopping I Cannot Afford

First, someone talk me out of buying this insanely cute swimsuit. I really can't afford to be spending $100 on a swim suit, but partly out of sheer boredom I have selected it, put it in the basket and almost paid for it three times now. Not good. Maybe if I have extra money from my computer rebate I will buy it.... I love it. Or someone could try to talk me out of it.

Bubble Wrap!

Back at work. I feel very tired now that I've had a few consecutive days of blissfully sleeping in and lounging. Grouch is tired too, I can tell. I got a sheet of bubble wrap - the kind with huge bubbles - in an envelope today. For the last twenty minutes or so everyone who is within earshot of my office has probably been wondering what is causing the ear-splitting gunshot sound. The ADT security guy caught me mid-pop and I could tell he was trying to stifle a laugh. I can't help it that I'm 23 and still enjoy bubble wrap! Honestly though, is there a person out there of any age who, given the chance, would pass on playing with bubble wrap? Maybe people who work in a bubble wrap factory are sick of it, but honestly I think they probably still enjoy it as well. The thing about it though: it's only fun if you are the one popping it. If you are just a listener, chances are that you are being highly irritated by the sound.

The manager of Maidenform just stopped in to check on me because she heard a loud noise. Time to stop with the bubble wrap.

On a more grown up topic, I had my interview this afternoon with the hospital. It went well, they were glad I was already HIPAA trained and proficient in Carecast (the hospital database) but they said the hours weren't flexible, and probably wouldn't work with school. So I'm back on the job trail. I have some serious concerns that my present boss might have found the cover letter I drafted for another job. I found it on "my recent documents" but I didn't do it recently... So am now tentatively waiting for him to approach me about it. There is the possibility I guess that I actually do so little work that a document I did a week and a half ago would still pop up on my "recent documents" and that is just sad. But let's just hope for the latter since we all already know my job is less than exciting.

This weekend I did some reading down at the Black Drop (yay!) I love that coffee shop, they know me there, they know my order, they make the best coffee. It's lovely. Anyway, I looked up to see a white-bearded man in checkered suit skipping down the sidewalk like little boy. He grabbed a light pole and swung himself around and clicked his heels. By this time he had the attention of the whole coffee house. He started singing, eyes closed arms outstretched, and then skipped off. I thought to myself, "Now here is a man who enjoys life. Or is high on drugs." Then he rounded the corner again followed by a whole troop of Bellingham's signature indie scenesters (including "black drop coffee house guy" aptly named because of his frequent coffee house patronage) I guess the skipper was part of a live marketing ploy to advertise a local theater group. I loved it! I was a little sad that he wasn't just a crazy old man in love with life, but theater group junkie is a close second and is a lot better than a drugged-out old hippie.

You can tell I have a soft spot for the small joys in life: bubble wrap and skipping old men.

More than Country Naming Quizzes

I learned a few things about myself by taking these helpful quizzes today. Here are the results:

17

77%LUSH

(I bet you didn't know Uisce is the Gaelic word for Whiskey or, literally, Water of Life)

45

43%

40%