Saturday, May 9, 2009

Top 5 Scariest Encounters with the Homeless of Waikiki

5. The Bus Man - Riding the bus to the grocery store the other day, a tall lanky man in dirty clothes got on the bus. All of us on the bus had seen him as we approached the stop, he was standing with his eyes closed looking pained. As the bus approached he slammed both his hands against the side of it and yelled. I think we were all hoping the driver wouldn't let him on board. He got on the bus, with no notice by the driver, came to stand only five feet away from where myself and an old british couple sat. As the bus wound it's way through waikiki, and got more crowded, the man began to mumble louder and louder until he broke into a low yelling. He told us we were all whores who'd destroyed the dinosaurs and for that he hated every one of us. He said we'd better keep away because he was so mad he could just burst. The more people that crowded the bus, the angrier he got until he got so mad he shoved his way off at a random stop and went yelling down the road.

4. The Hasidic Jew - Used to coming across the occasional crazy at 4:30 in the morning as I walked to work, I didn't think twice about a man I saw a block ahead wearing what looked like a yamaka, his long side-burns and scraggly beard draped far down the front of his dingy white tunic and linen pants. What began to be unnerving was that as I approached, he stood still, facing me, directly in my path. As I got to the crosswalk that would lead me directly to him, a huge grin spread across his face, his eyes locked on mine and he began waving to me. Not an excited wave, but a slow, horror movie, mike-meyers-rises-from-the-dead-again wave. I walked slowly around him, and he rotated as I walked past. He followed me, silently waving, all the rest of the two blocks to work that day.

3. The Crack Head - On my way to work at 4:45 am, I furtively rounded my usual corner only to walk straight into the path of what looked to be a man about my age, sitting in the middle of the sidewalk, shaking. He saw me, and that's when the screaming started. Wordless, high-pitched, blood-curddling, screaming. I tried to walk past as quickly as possible, but his shakes got worse and the screams began to turn into threats. As I scurried past I could hear the sound of feet stomping on the pavement behind me, scared, I began to run. A block ahead, I looked over my shoulder to see that he was still seated, slamming his feet and fists against the ground and snarling as he stared after me. Luckily I was able to follow an early morning jogger to work the rest of the way.

2. Beardy - On my way to meet some roommates at the beach after a long night at work, I waited at the crosswalk sometime around 11 pm. Completely lost in my own thoughts, I didn't notice that a strange man had come to stand unusually close to me on the empty street corner. A low voice said, "Hello darling, how's your night?" Slowly I turned to face the stout man who was leering at me, eyes rolling, logger type beard covered in a white foam. I took a big step away from the man and said, "Fine." He stepped toward me and continued to talk about the chance of meeting me here. As I waited for the light to change he proceeded to tell me that he wondered how my feet tasted and whether or not I would object to him touching me. With the light change, I walked quickly across the street - he followed. I ran. He ran. I leapt into the nearest conveniece store, wild-eyed, panicking, and told the lady at the counter I was being followed! Totally unimpressed by this melodrama, the woman rolled her eyes and went back to her paperwork at the desk. I peeked out the door, I saw him waiting. I was in the middle of frantically dialing the numbers of all the people I was supposed to be meeting when he finally walked inside. I froze. He walked up to me, said, "You're fucking insane," and continued on into the store. I went out the front and ran to the beach.

1. The Tranny - One sunny afternoon as Celina and I waited for the bus to our local overpriced mall, we were confronted by a woman in a long blue flowered dress. We'd seen the lady, sitting on the bench and talking nonsensically to herself, and had been unfazed (crazing ranting is not unusual). It wasn't until she approached us moments later as we stood chatting that I began to have concern. Most people including the homeless population in Waikiki understand the boundaries of personal space. This social queue went unnoticed by the tranny, who proceeded to assume a stance much like that of boot camp seargent, within inches of our faces she screamed, stomped her foot and cursed. Nonsensical as the ranting was, I began to cypher out some phrases like, "real woman" and "you can't fix this!" Slowly she reached down and pulled her ankle length dress up around her waist. Horrified as I already was by this woman, the realization that "she" was really a "he" and that "his" naked penis was merely inches from me makes this story the number one most creepy encounter with the homeless of my Waikiki life.

1 comment:

KJW said...

You fit right in with the crazies in Hawaii. In fact, I bet some supposedly sane girl is writing about encounters she's had with YOU.

"The Tranny" and "The Hasidic Jew" creep the h out of me.