Sunday, February 24, 2008

I should be doing Grad Apps right now.

Sunday night. I am sitting at the Woods filling out grad apps and contemplating the future - always interesting/frightening/exciting. My boss still doesn't know I will only be around for another 6 months at most. Grad school or no, the present job will end for me by August, unless I find a great job in B'ham, then it might end sooner. He is a nice boss. He told me in my review he recommended me for a $1/hour raise. I told him I was bored, constantly bored. He said he knows and understands. This makes me like him more and want to stick it out rather than leave. That and the fact that he is letting me take a week off in April to go to Hawaii...

Tomorrow is the start of another work week, but hopefully a more eventful one. In the morning I have the Young Professionals group, Wednesday I'm leading a cross promotional training group for the merchants, and Thursday am helping to MC an event. If at no other point my job gets exciting, at least this week will be getting there!

I think it will be weird to finally know where I will be going to grad school. I am just working on my Seattle U application now. I think the only thing that really bugs me that a pretty big part of my decision making process is the boy. If he doesn't go to WWU this year, or if I don't get in to WWU, I am certain we will end up being in different towns for the next two years at least. Call me selfish but I enjoy being in the same town as the person I am dating, I wonder what it would be like to only see him every other weekend instead of every other day. Strange thought. At the same time, neither of us is thinking anything more serious than dating at this point. Our lives are definitely still independent and it is good to enjoy that and take advantage of every opportunity. I know that the boy feels like it is important to go our own ways (even if that means long separation), to be honest I'm not really sure what he sees in the future for us, but he is right in that you can't give up on your own goals in life.

Honestly, introspective ramblings right now may be heavily influenced by the melancholy music playing at the Woods. I guess I always go through this thought process at least once with every grad app day. Anyone who regularly reads this knows that the future is something I have a hard time with.

I had a conversation with the boy's friend about the future and he and I were on the same page: it doesn't seem like we are adults yet. It doesn't seem real that I am responsible for myself, my bills, my choices. I still make a lot of my decisions based on what will make me happy now (going to Hawaii, for example) rather than what would be best in the long run (saving money perhaps). We all have to grow up sometime, but my subconscious is fighting it with everything I've got.


KJW said...

You don't have kids or a mortgage, so I say go to Hawaii whenever the h you want. Even in your moments of small financial stress, you won't regret anything that tropical.

And Budz, I trust that wherever you end up, it'll work out for you. You are a capable lady with at least one awesome friend (me), and I have no doubt life will go your way, even if there are a few rough patches here and there.

Finally, please move to Seattle.

Ren said...



when, with who, where exactly?