Tuesday, February 26, 2008


Hey, it's me, the administrative assistant! What can I do for you today? Would you like me to copy those three pages for you... s'cuse me I need to get to the copier right behind you.

Whew. Now that's done. What now? Filing! You mean you trust me to file those two papers atop the file cabinet?! Sure, I think I can manage, it's pretty tough because they are all filed behind weird letters, but that's what I went to college for!

Now you want me to type something? Great! You are right, I am a fast typer, and I love the challenge of deciphering your scribbled handwriting, I love it! Guess all those journalism classes really paid off. God I'm a fast typer.

Holy shit! It's already 9:00, I only have seven and a half hours of my day left! There is so much to get done. I haven't even gotten in my hour of early morning staring-into-space done. Wait, I have to get in the zone! See that vacant look in my eyes like my brain is actually dying?! That's hard to pull off, it takes weeks of practice! I think I can actually feel my muscles atrophy!!!

Okay, that's over. Now what? Oh yeah, I haven't caught up on every mundane detail of every college acquaintance's life!! Facebook!! Facebook!! Stat!

Now that I know that that one guy I had a group project with freshman year is doing okay over in Arkansas, I guess I can go on with my day. Close call. Whew! This job is STRESSFUL!

Oh my boss is back. How can I help you?! You want me to research Christmas decorations for next year! Good idea, you can't get started too early on Christmas, my God, its already been two months since last Christmas! I will get started on that right now, but I am feeling pretty overworked...

Now, I insist you let me map every phone tree in the whole company, it will take hours of listening to an automated phone system, I freaking LOVE that! Oh, they can't use that information after all? You should have asked corporate if they needed if first? Darn. Oh well, at least I got some great work experience out of that. Not everyone can navigate those phone systems, what about all those geriatrics out there!

Geez, 2:30, this day is flying by!! Time for my afternoon vacant-stare time! And holy crap! I almost forgot to read the blog of every person I know for the second time today!! This job is turning me into a bad friend, but I'll do anything for the company!

Oh good, a memo for me to write and distribute! Thank God because the store managers have only seen me four times this week with those other memos, they are feeling neglected I know it! I don't even mind that it's raining, have you seen these cute open toed flats I've got on? Perfect for a rainy day! Plus, they are looking too shiny anyway. Man, I hate that. Thanks for the chance to break them in!

Hey, sorry that took so long! I had to stop and make sure every merchant on property knew that there are NO NEW CHANGES to announce. They freaking love that!

Hurrah it's five! It's been a long day! Oh, you have something urgent for me to do before I head home? Love to!


KJW said...

Thank you for letting me laugh at your misery. It was well-written.

(On a "for realer" note, keep your chin up, cupcakeface. And maybe toss some crossword puzzles in your day.)

Anonymous said...

I agree with k-hole. That was the best laugh I've had at someone's misery in a good while.
You make it sound so charmingly exciting to exit college into the real world. Can't wait!
Also, for good time killers you could learn to read palms (I've always wanted mine read), learn to solve a rubix cube (then teach me, it's on my goal list), and also research how to address the topic of death/loss/grief in the classroom (My upcoming project - depressing, yes?). You could kill time, and help me along your way - That's a way to kill two birds with one stone if you ask me.

I also hope that at some point, somehow, you and Grouch find brain stimulation in Burlington - Good Luck!

Nicole Kristine said...

When I read that, I laughed. A lot of times. Probably seven or eight times. Good laughs, too. Belly laughs. Thanks. You rule.

Kristen said...

I didn't laugh, I had nearly the exact same job as a secretary at the Crown Plaza Executive Offices...but I couldn't even call myself an administrative assistant....after nearly 2 years I had to go. Hang in there.