Friday, March 14, 2008

To all the college educated readers:

I was going to try to write something a little more thoughtful today than I did yesterday. Then I realized that on my last few thoughtful posts I have hardly gotten any comments, while on my "Muffin Top" post, I got 4 overnight. It has become apparent to me that my readers have some low-brow sense of amusement which I can only attempt to appeal to by making my posts more scatological. Here is my offering to the masses:


Bathroom Humor at its finest:

Ghost Poopie
The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.
Clean Poopie
The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
Wet Poopie
The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and underwear so you won't ruin them with a stain.
Second Wave Poopie
This happens when you're done Poopie-ing and you've pulled up your pants to your knees, and you realize that you have to Poopie some more.
The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.
Gassy Poopie
It's so noisy, everyone within earshot is laughing.
Drinker Poopie
The kind of Poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.
Lincoln Log Poopie
The kind of Poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.
Corn Poopie
Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Poopie Poopie
The kind where you want to Poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.
Spinal Tap Poopie
That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you would swear it was leaving you sideways.
Wet Cheeks Poopie (The Power Dump)
The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt gets splashed with water.
Liquid Poopie
The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl.
Mexican Poopie
It smells so bad your nose burns.
The Surprise Poopie
You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you're about to fart, but oops.......a Poopie!!!
The Dangling Poopie
This Poopie refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done Poopie-ing it. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.


D.I. Zzo said...

grow up. seriously, who do you think I am?

D.I. Zzo said...

ok, you got me. that was awesome.

Nicole Kristine said...

Ha. Hahahahaha. Ha, hahaha, hahaha. That is funny in so many different ways. 1) that you posted it 2) that they use the word poopie 3) hahahahaha.

Also, when I was living in the dorms, we had a rate-your-poo chart on the wall. You could put a check-mark next to the title you think best described your poo. Maybe you could do this at your office. Post a rating system. Then you could eat high-fiber foods and poop a lot, and then rate them. Then you might not be bored at work!

You're welcome.