Monday, March 31, 2008

Decisions

This is the worst day ever, and who knows how long that feeling will last. When I feel upset, I have a hard time functioning. These last few days have been especially hard - I have no appetite, I can't sleep, my stomach is in knots. I feel the weight of this decision bearing down on me with no clear answer in sight. My head and my heart are telling me two very different things, and I'm trying to balance between protecting myself from further hurt and still being able to forgive. I feel as confused as I've ever been. How can someone say they love you and then be envisioning another relationship? How can that be real love? When something happens that changes everything you thought you knew, that challenges the security you felt, how do you move past it?

I don't know any of the answers to these questions, and I won't write anything else about this. I know that without the support of some very good friends I would be in a much worse place right now. The person I most want consoling from is the one person I can't face, and it has been so important to have friends who will just listen. So thanks to those of you who have been there.

"I start to forget how my heart gets torn, when that hurt gets thrown, feeling like you can't go on." - David Gray

3 comments:

Musings said...

I'm sorry to hear you are having a tough time. I don't much about the situation, but if you need a fresh set of ears... I am here.

Courtney Marie said...

Hey Lindsay. I've just returned from frolicking with chipmunks and getting cactus thornes stuck in my fingers to read this very sad entry. I am sorry to not be home and know what is happening, but I hope these feelings of hurt and confussion don't last. I'm home tomorrow, and I hope I can help.

Sending you thoughts of happy chipmunk frolicking . . .

KJW said...

Cunte, E-Bot and I like to propose "10 foot [animal] vs. 10 foot [animal] in a fight to the death - who would win?" challenges. In this case, it might be 10-foot heart vs. 10-foot mind. But then again, maybe they can work together, and it might not be that.

Anyway, L. Bud, no matter what decision you make, you will be feeling better soon. I know you'll get through it.